HAVEN'T EVER BEEN CALLED FATHER !

                I don't know how to say so as to express feeling of a son without father, because when I was born father died, someone said that I was a son who was not luck for family, who only had troublesome, who made mother so sad at that time.
               I growth up and when I have enough ability to understand of life, I was sad at hearing of what everyone said, I was unlucky-child but I wonder that is reason I cause for my family!?, I was not only unhappy but also boring, 
               Up to when i have been got married, my father-in law had died, and I was countinous to become unluck son without father, I was really so sad I didn't blame everyone who said bad words to me, I only known that I balmed myself why I was in bad-situation.
               I wish I had a father, If I had a father my life could become better now, when I graduated from high school I was good pupil in school, I was very strong to study everything, I could overcome all things difficult, I was pround of my ability and I was always Idol for everyone in school, but I was too young to awake to something best for myself in life, on the other hands my selt-love was so hight, there were something small to happen with me, I only wanted to given up everything, like as what the people often said the youth is always ebullient, they could given up all because of small problem, and I was a son who is very selt-love, that was a reason why my life had big change at that time, I always supported that I could have the best examination to graduate from high school before I entered in university, and then I always hoped that I could win stop-point in school, but everything was not in my thought because of I had careless in literature subject in examination and my poit was so slow although the other's subject was perfectly in graduated-examination from high school, and there were not things to happen right in my wish, I felt so disappionted, I gave up everything without taking part in examination of university, no matter I had enough ability to overcome university-Examination at that time. Mother, brothers and sisters, who weren't interested in my studying, thoughts, who didn't know how was my studying and feeling, who didn't have any advises for me, so I wish I had father at that time, I wish He was always by me and could give me harder to take me go into best way, he could give me the best direction for future,  A father like as guideline who direct children in best path in life, father is idol for children in family to follow, father like as big tree for children in the shade, like as steel to get children in best life...
               Mother is only women who take care of me googly, who give me eating, sleeping and dressing in best way, I love mother so much, but so as to face with life and trend to future I had to go and faced with studying alone without any helping from family except some money, things that i need was encouraging and direction in this time, but everything seems to be not ok for me, A dream to become good and famouse doctor who work in big hospital in HCM City was more and more far from my reach.
               Up to now I am really to become a doctor, I have bacholor of english language I graduated from both medical and language universities, no matter I have everything I like but it is not really dream of me when I was young, I really feel regret what overcome now, my way to become a doctor is so misery and it took me so much time and effort! and result is not perfectly, I never feel satisfy with myselt, I never blame my mother, or anyone in my family, I only want to say a word I wish to have a father, a father who only need to stand there, who has super for me in way of life, who make me afraid of faults, who direct me to go into beautiful future.